Teacher: Hey Carl! Give few sample of live things.
Carl: Cat, dog.
Teacher: Bravo! Now give few sample of liveless things.
Carl: Dead cat, dead dog.
Teacher: ...

Boy: DAD! Can I ask something?
Dad: Yes son, go ahead.
Boy: Where humans came from?
Dad: Of course from monkeys.
Boy: Okay, thanks dad.
Dad: You're welcome son.

...

Boy: MOM! Can I ask something?
Mom: Yes sweety, go ahead.
Boy: Where humans came from?
Mom: God creates human sweety.
Boy: But my dad said we're coming from monkeys...
Mom: Your dads family came from monkeys. Our family created by God.

Girl: Hey darling! Can I ask something?
Boy: Of course. Whats the problem?
Girl: What you would do if you wake up with heard my dead form?
Boy: I sleep again.
Girl: Oh Yeah... :(
Boy: And I won't woke up...

Son: DAD! Can you give me 50 dollars?
Dad: WHAT? 40 dollars?
Dad: What the hell you gonna do with 30 dollars?
Dad: 20 dollar isn't enough for you?
Dad: Take this 10 dollars.

He said 10 dollars but he gave 5 dollars to his son.

Son: Dad, I said 50 dollars because I did know you gonna trick me. Actually uhh, 5 dollars can enough to me.
Dad: Wow you cheating son... If I didn't give you fake 5 dollars, you made me fool.

One day, there was two men who called Jeff and Tom. They're in boat. But, boat get accident and everybody is died. Jeff and Tom get rid from boat. They swimmed too much. Finally, they saw an island. They swimmed too much until they came to that island. When they arrived to island. They saw one guy. Or that guy get rid of boat? No, he is not from boat. He is living on island. He is... KING! The king of the island!
King: I WON'T FORGIVE YOU! YOU ARE UNAUTHORIZED! Maybe I will forgive you... Now, you'll working for me to endless. Bring me 1000 different fruits.
Jeff worked dawn to dusk. He brought 1000 fruits to king. But king didn't accepted it because...
King: I SAID 1000 DIFFERENT FRUITS! NOT THE 1000 PLUM! Maybe I'll forgive you... again. Now insert these plums to your ass.
And Jeff accepted it. 1, 100, 500, 999... But Jeff is didn't inserted that last plum. He just laughing...
King: What? Why are you laughing? There one more left.
Jeff: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Look at Tom. He bringing 1000 Watermelons.

An old woman walking down the street with two garbage bags and then from one of the bags 100 dollars fall on the ground and then a policeman see the dollars and ask the old woman
Policeman: where did you get all that money? did you rob a bank or something?
Old woman: no.. i just have a big yard and always does stupid kids playing there and destroying my yard so i hide behind some bushes with big scissors and jump up on a kid and hold his dick and tell him if you dont give me 100 bucks i will chop it
Policeman: wow nice job that's a good way to deal with pests hey.. what's in the other bag?
Old woman: there were some kids who doesn't want to pay

You lost your pencil: Got no pencil.
Got no pencil: You can't get A.
You can't get A: Can't study lesson.
Can't study lesson: You can't successful.
You can't successful: You can't get diploma.
You can't get diploma: You can't get job.
You can't get job: You can't get monies.
You can't get monies: You can't eat much.
You can't eat much: You'll get slim.
You'll get slim: You'll get ugly slowly.
You'll get ugly slowly: You can't get darling.
You can't get darling: You can't marry.
You can't marry: You can't make babies.
You can't make babies: You are alone.
You are alone: You are in depression.
You are in depression: You get more disease.
You get more disease: YOU DIED!
YOU DIED: YOU DIED YA!

Note: Don't lose your pencil...

Police1: They found Joe's body...
Police2: He is dead?
Police1: No, he needed sleep, and he slept...

Dude1 and Dude2 was fighting badly. 5 minutes later...
Dude1: Hey Dude! Wanna eat something? :]
Dude2: If you'll pay, why not? :)

Girl1 and Girl2 was fighting badly. 20 years later...
Girl1: Son of a bitch!
Girl2: Ass kisser!

One day, I am sitting on couch like always, one fly was came to my arm. I watched him. He needed a blood. I didn't do anything. We're become to friend. Each day, I'm giving blood to that fly. And he accepts. They are need bloods. So, if you thought it was bullshit, why you are reading this? Are you idiot?